Photo by: slightly-less-random

My wife and I are approaching our 5th anniversary and we have been looking for a chance to reconnect. It’s been a long time since we’ve really had the chance to get away, just the two of us, since our daughter was born. We’re looking forward to enjoying some alone time to let us rediscover each other after nearly two years of “just surviving together.” It’s very important for couples to take time away from the rest of their life, including their children, so they can maintain a close, loving bond.

We’ve nearly got our plans nailed down – we’re just waiting on a few of the finer details to work themselves out. To reduce travel time and expense, we’re going to keep our getaway local, but that may work out to our benefit in more ways than one. It takes a little work, but it’s not hard to reduce your overall cost and potentially even get away for cheap.

Take a Mid-Week Vacation

For both our honeymoon and our 1st anniversary, we had the pleasure of staying in a quiet bed and breakfast. I can’t remember a more relaxing and romantic time. My wife has been doing some research into our local B&Bs and noticed that spending a weeknight is far cheaper than staying over the weekend. To take advantage of that, I’m strongly considering taking a week’s vacation sometime later this summer and we will spend one of those nights together at a B&B. We still have to come up with an over-night babysitter for our daughter, but that shouldn’t be too hard – Grandma will probably volunteer since she’s been the one insisting we take more time together. (And she’s right; we need it!)

Negotiate, Haggle, and Barter

Whether you choose to stay in a bed and breakfast or a hotel, you can always try negotiate a better price than the “standard” price, especially mid-week. For example, take note of how full the establishment is and use that to your advantage. If the place is less than half-full, you may be able to work out a lower price since an empty room is worthless compared to a discounted room. A local, family-owned establishment is far more likely to tweak their price to ensure your business than a large chain – yet another reason to seek out a B&B.

If they won’t budge on the price and you have some practical skills you believe they can use, you may want to consider bartering. For some reason bartering has fallen out of style, but it’s a perfectly viable way of doing business, especially with smaller businesses. Offer to trade your services for a free or discounted room; the worst they can say is “No.” You may even find yourself making money on the deal by potentially gaining a long-term customer in their business.

Picnic in the Park

For our honeymoon, we bought a basket and blanket with the intention of taking an afternoon for a picnic. Our lunch was simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips, and a soda, but that date wasn’t about the food. As we sat there, enjoying each other’s company, we were entertained by the antics of a family of playful squirrels and some panhandling birds. Fortunately, we brought along extra bread for the little beggars.

We spent the afternoon laying out on our picnic blanket throwing little balls of bread for the squirrels and birds to fight over. It was such a wonderful afternoon that we still talk about that picnic today. We’ll definitely seek out a park this time to try to reproduce that experience.

Bubbles and Candles

If you’re fortunate enough to choose an establishment with a private, two-person tub or jacuzzi, you must make use of the facilities since there is little more relaxing and romantic than a candle-lit bubble bath for two. Since my wife is pregnant, we have to be careful to not let the water get hot; but who wants a hot bath in the middle of summer? Hopefully we’ll be able to turn on the bubbles in some cool water after our day in the park.

If you do not have access to a two-person tub, the both of you can still enjoy a bath together. Since there’s not room for two in the tub, have one person stay out and wash down the other. The bubbles and water help soften and smooth the skin and your spouse’s fingertips will wash away any tension. At the same time, your spouse gets to explore… It’s a win-win!

Quiet Music, a Touch of Oil, and a Backrub

We have a relaxing massage CD that we save for special occasions such as our anniversary. When one of us pops that in the CD player, the other knows they have a special treat coming…

Seriously, there is probably not a better way to connect to another person than through a sensual massage. There’s just something about being able to bring relief to your partner’s stress and tense muscles and there’s certainly nothing better than being on the receiving end of a massage from someone who loves you.

We like to use a scented massage oil since your body heat will warm the oil and help it release even more scent. If you don’t have access to a massage oil, you can purchase baby oil for very little. A few drops between your spouse’s shoulder blades are enough for the whole back. Just get in there and get working. If you’re unsure about how to give a good massage or your partner needs a guide, there are good couple’s massage resources on Amazon.com.

Enjoy Each Other

You can spend a lot or very little on a romantic getaway, but what matters is why you’re spending and what you get out of it. If going to a local bed and breakfast will help you and your spouse to better connect at the expense of a little extra money, I see no reason not to “upgrade” to an experience that will be better for both of you. There is nothing wrong with approaching a vacation with frugality in mind, just make sure to not derail the purpose and benefit of the vacation by taking it overboard.

Make sure to enjoy some special alone time with your partner this summer. Reconnecting with your spouse keeps your relationship fresh, helps you stay in love, and will help you be better parents. I know we’ll definitely try to do this more often!

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com

My in-laws came over to our house yesterday. Their visit was very tense as my wife and I had decided to begin confronting the issue of my mother-in-law’s spending habits, especially concerning our children. She is a spendthrift and she would rather spend every penny she finds instead of saving anything for her retirement and increasing medical expenses. We are very worried for her and her impact on their finances and we’re just as worried that she will spoil our children.

At my in-laws’ house, my wife’s old bedroom has been forcibly converted into a huge storage area where my mother-in-law drops off her purchases. When my wife went over there a few weeks ago to get the last of her remaining belongings, she found bags stacked upon bags of new clothes shoved into her old closet that have never even made it out of the shopping bag that brought them home. These bags were from early winter or even before, considering the dust that had settled on these bags. Simply put, my mother-in-law has a problem.

When they arrived at our house yesterday her arms were full of junk that she had bought for our daughter: A huge shopping bag full of dresses and hats (my daughter hates wearing hats), a plastic doll bought at a flea market, a little purse, and a few other useless trinkets. Upon seeing this pile of crap it became clear to me that my mother-in-law is trying to pass her ideals on to our daughter instead of respecting our wishes. The doll immediately went into the trash considering it was far from safe for a 17-month old and the risk of lead-based paints brought by purchasing cheap, unmarked toys. The trinkets also found their way into the trash since we are trying to avoid clutter in our house. The dresses that will fit will be added to her wardrobe, but the rest will be donated along with all the hats.

We have complained numerous times to deaf ears that we do not want them to purchase anything for our daughter, especially without consulting us first. My mother-in-law simply has no concept of what is and isn’t safe for children and she cannot control her urge to purchase nearly everything she sees. This trip finally forced us to take corrective action to prevent this problem from growing. On their way out, she tried to sneak a $20 bill to our daughter without us noticing. This sent me over the edge. What in the world can a toddler do with a $20 and why does she refuse to respect us and the boundaries we have set?!? We have decided that she is an unsafe influence on our daughter. If she is blatantly trying to undermine us now, how bad is it going to get in the future?

The unfortunate consequence of this is that we are going to have to further restrict their interaction with our daughter – which is a real shame since my father-in-law is a blameless victim in this fight. I am in the process of drafting a contract that we are going to make them read, understand, and sign that clearly lays out our wishes and the rules concerning respect for our family and our rules. So far, I have included notes such as:

• You may not purchase anything for our children without asking our permission first.
• You may not give any amount of money directly to our children and you must ask for permission before giving money to us for them.
• You must respect and obey the rules we have set for our household and our children at all times and in all locations, regardless of if we are present.

It really breaks my heart to have to do this, but it all comes down to the one important principle: We are the parents and it is our house, our family, and our responsibility to set the rules governing them. I really didn’t want to have things end up like this, but you eventually have to put your foot down. Hopefully this will cause my mother-in-law to notice her problem, but I am doubtful this will bring anything but guilt trips.

As a parent, you cannot be afraid to stand up for what you believe is right for your household and your family. Sometimes it means you have to step on some toes, but that is all part of being a good parent. It’s painful at times, but it is too important to ignore.

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com

With the big changes coming to the Caveman household, it was time to sit down and really analyze my life.

When we learned of the presence of our first child, just over 2 years ago, we set about figuring out how we wanted to approach parenthood. We decided that my wife would quit her job after the baby arrived. In the end, we figured that we would actually lose money if she continued to work so it was better for her to be a stay-at-home mom for many reasons.

Money was tight for a while, but we eventually learned how to make ends meet again. And in order to bring in a little extra cash, I started a side business at the beginning of this year. I didn’t grow it much, since I didn’t want to spend all my time on it, so year-to-date I’ve made around $500. It’s been a huge time sink for relatively little money – all of which was already spent, plus some.

Now that I know I will be a father again, it has given me a chance to reflect on the last 16 months and really analyze what kind of father I’ve been so far. Like any parent, I’ve made plenty of mistakes. The biggest of which was not spending enough time with my family. After coming home from work, I would usually hole myself up in my office or sit in the living room with my laptop until we went to bed. On Saturday, I would do all the inside or outside work that needed to be done for the house, as well as run errands. And on Sunday, I would come home from church and immediately get to work on my sermon for that evening.

Basically, I spent my whole week away from my family and I regret it more than anything right now. All things being equal, everyone has the same amount of life resources to devote throughout the day and you have to sacrifice one or another to achieve certain goals. I chose to sacrifice my time for a business that was going nowhere and on other various meaningless activities. I wasted the first 16 months of my daughter’s life being a scared, selfish boy when I should have been a happy, fully-engaged father.

So, today, that all changes.

I’ve officially put my business to bed, accepting no new customers and just finishing out the open projects for my existing clients. I haven’t decided whether to “retire” after 4 years of helping lead our church’s evening service, but it is a possibility.

This will free up the time for me to play softball again this year, which is a family event. I get some exercise and my wife and daughter come out to games for 8 weeks of the summer and play in the grass with other wives and children. It will also free me from my self-imposed shackles of a dead-on-arrival business and allow me to put my laptop away in the evening and get down on the floor and play with my daughter. And more weekends will now be used for larger family outings, such as trips to the park or the zoo.

Yes, I have to sacrifice a business and the possibility of extra income, but the trade-offs in this case are far more valuable – time with my family. It’s something my father wasn’t as able to provide for me and I will always use him as a benchmark of good fatherhood, so it’s important for me to at out-do him wherever I can. I can’t wait for my new child to arrive, because I know I will be an even better father by the time he or she decides to make an appearance.

Time to start living a better life and really enjoy my family.

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com

As I mentioned yesterday, we just found out that my wife is pregnant. That means that all the plans I had for this year are toast as we now have bigger priorities.

But it’s ok. I built my plans to be flexible. I didn’t write my budgets or savings plans in stone, we’re free to move our targets as needed. Since we’re currently making enough to cover our bills and our loan payments, it becomes merely a matter of shifting budgets around and making sure our emergency fund is fully funded.

For example, we had socked away $3,000 in a CD to pay off the rest of our car loan so we could move on to paying down one of our other loans. Now, that money will be used as part of a down payment on a new-to-us vehicle (probably a minivan) sometime next year. So, the money will keep earning interest until we decide on a new vehicle and we’ll just continue paying off the Vibe on its normal schedule. Instead of paying it off this year, it will likely be paid off sometime in the middle of next year. Unfortunately, that doesn’t free up the extra $300/month I wanted to put toward our home equity loan, but I can almost guarantee that our next car payment will be less than $300. That will allow us to overpay on that loan and we’ll just start paying extra on our other loans later.

But while flexibility is good, sometimes you do need to really lock in the really important goals. While I’m comfortable with allowing most of our financial plans to change, two are “untouchable”: I will not decrease my current 401(k) withholding (currently at 6%) and I will not decrease the amount I am giving to church. No matter what happens, short of a full-blown emergency, these will not decrease. Everything else, though, remains on the table.

The key is to remembering that budgets and plans are tools – a means to achieve an end. If you do not adjust your tools to your changing tasks, eventually you’ll find yourself trying to hammer a nail with a backhoe. Build your plans to fit your current situation as closely as possible, but remember to keep room in there for the inevitable changes that will happen in the course of normal life. That is the key to a successful financial plan.

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com

Saturday morning, awoken this morning by a screech. I had intended to sleep in a bit since I had a long week, but this wasn’t my alarm going off and it wasn’t a car outside. No, this screech came from the master bathroom.

Waking up to that kind of noise is distressing, at the very least. I leapt out of bed to go discover the source and reason for the alarming sound. What I was soon to discover would change my world all over again. Sitting there on the bathroom counter, staring back at me, were two distinct parallel pink lines. And suddenly, all of our current plans flew right out the window since now we have more important matters to attend to:

We’re going to have another beautiful baby!

That’s great news, don’t get me wrong, but this does really throw a wrench in our debt elimination plan. Our vehicle situation was sufficient for one child, but will fall dramatically short with needing to carry two. We have a truck and a Pontiac Vibe. The Vibe is fine for our needs and can itself carry two kids, but my truck isn’t safe to carry a single one. Since it’s entirely likely that we’ll need to occasionally carry children separately, we need to start shopping for a child-friendly vehicle to replace my truck.

With the current gas situation, we really do not want to purchase a gas-guzzling SUV; but getting rid of the truck means we will no longer have a hauling vehicle, so we need a vehicle that can handle at least a moderate load. That will take some creative shopping and a little sacrifice on both ends to make this happen.

This will also cause us to have to update our snowball plan. Now, instead of using the $300/month that will become available once the Vibe is paid off to start paying on the home equity loan, we will have to divert that money to savings to build up a strong down payment for our next vehicle. Hopefully we can find a great deal when we finally do buy a new-to-us vehicle, because we need to be saving every penny we can right now with the big changes that will come with a 2nd child.

We didn’t exactly want another child right now and we were being careful, but I suppose we weren’t careful enough… This is a blessing, that’s for sure, but life suddenly got 10x more difficult than it was yesterday. Keep us and our new child in your prayers because we certainly need them!

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com

For the first time in our marriage, I’m actually going to have to stick to the gifting budget we set for each other. We have always set a modest budget (around $100) for Christmas gifts for each other, but I have always thrown that out the window. My wife did a good job of sticking to the budget (bless her heart) but I just love to spoil her.

But this year I promised to be good. Since we’ve started meticulously tracking our expenses, it was obvious that I couldn’t go overboard as I have in years past. It kind of broke my heart, really… I’m the kind of guy who delights in giving and watching the joy my gifts bring to others. It hurts when I can’t give as I would like to.

I sat down with my wife last week and apologized to her, but she reassured me and reminded me why what I’m doing is a good thing: We’re keeping our future at the front of our minds now instead of our present. We’re sacrificing now so that we can have plenty later and so I can return to own special brand of giving.

She did make one concession, though. Even with times being a bit rough, we will still give extra to our church’s special Christmas offering that goes to fund some very important local and international missions. Knowing that my gift will help some needy families in our church, send children to school in the Philippines, and give scholarships to church members seeking education in preparation for full-time ministry makes the added sacrifice worth all the more.

(c) 2007-2009, That One Caveman, http://www.thatonecaveman.com