Two years ago today, I became a father. After a relatively short nine-hour labor, my wife gave birth to our beautiful daughter. It was an amazing day and one that I had been looking forward to for my whole life.
Fast-forward two years to today and I’m feeling horrible that I don’t feel the same way about the birth of our next child. Don’t get me wrong, when it arrives it will be perfect, but I can’t look forward to it right now. It may be that I know what I’m getting into this time; it could be that our recent financial struggles are overshadowing the experience; it might be the fact that our basement still isn’t done and it’s producing a lot of stress.
And that anxiety is bleeding over into the rest of my life. Sleep is becoming fitful and difficult to find. I lay there awake most nights fully expecting my wife to roll over at any moment and say, “It’s time.” At work, I’m not concentrating well from the lack of sleep and the light flow of adrenaline from knowing I could get the call any time. And my writing is suffering because I can’t seem to think well with all the stuff going on in my house, all the work I have left to do, and the rest of the events of the holiday season.
I know that I’ve gone through this all before and that I’m a good dad, but it’s hard to feel ready for this child and I’m feeling guilty because of that. Everything’s going to change again and right when I was getting used to the way our lives were going. But none of that changes the fact that any day now my wife will give me that look and I’ll kick into gear just like I did last time.
I hope this child comes soon – safely and healthy. That way I don’t have to be anxious anymore and we can settle down to getting to know our new child and letting it get to know our family. Man, I wasn’t even this anxious before my wedding day or even the birth of our daughter. Why this time?
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The excitement probably over rode your anxiety during when you daughter was born and when you get married. Now that you know what to expect, you’re over thinking the whole thing. I over think everything. It’s not a good place to be.
Just be in the moment now. Look at everything and smile. Write everything that’s worrying you in a journal and let it take care of its self. Think about all the positives this will bring your family and don’t sweat the struggles. Don’t worry about the basement. It will be done eventually. Like I told my friend Diane, some people (like me) wishes that I had your worries.
–mark–
PS- are you going to post photos of your basement when it’s done? It’d be sweet to see before and after photos. :)
Thanks Mark. I probably won’t post photos since they wouldn’t do it justice. I’d need a wide-angle lens to capture it best. I may, on the other hand, do a video tour. But only after the basement kitchenette is done sometime early next year. (Had to put it off since we ran out of cash to finish it, too.)
You’ll be fine. Two kids are tough though….very tough! :)
Just like Mark said, you know what to expect and you know what’s coming. Before you didn’t, that’s why you’re so much more worried about it.
Like you said, you will be fine. Matthew 6:34 always puts things in perspective for me.
@FourPillars trade my 6 for your 2 for a few days. That would give us both some perspective!
Since all the previous people who’ve answered have been men…I’d say that maybe it’s because you know what’s ahead, but it’s just as likely because you don’t know.
Well, because you’ve learned that there’s so much uncertainty about deliveries and a child’s life. There are so many responsibilities and risks. But as someone who hasn’t yet had any kids, if you told me right now that I was pregnant, I would probably be just like you—anxious, having a hard time sleeping, etc.
Good luck! It seems like you’ve done well with the first, best wishes for a smooth delivery and family life. :)
Right there with you! 2nd child due in march selling the too small house. Trying to get all the little crap done so it is market ready in a bad economy. Bills stacking up and not sleeping. Not sleeping well that is. Anxiety is cripling me. Wife is sick and does not seem to want to talk about my anxiety. Guess my point is that you are not alone.