The last 2 years have provided my life with a lot of change with moving, the birth of my daughter, and the associated changes in a lot of family holiday traditions. And all of these have brought into perspective my changes in finances.
This is the first Christmas since I became “financially and future-aware,” so it allowed me to better examine everything that was going on around me. The biggest thing I noticed this year is the differences in the gifts between my in-laws and my parents. For the sake of their honor, I will not name which party I’m referencing from this point on…
Both sets of parents are from meager origins. Both have known poverty. Both have known conflict. Both are high-school educated at the most. Both are about the same age. But there is a large wealth disparity between the two.
One set of parents is preparing for retirement within 10 years; the other will be lucky to not have to work until the day they die. We are convinced that their retirement plan is to move in with us – something we are not prepared for and an idea we’re not welcome to.
Family A is headed by a salesman and supplemented by a banking professional. Their combined income varies due to the salesman’s commissions, but usually falls between $65,000 and $90,000 every year.
Family B is in manual labor for a local factory. Both are employed by the same company and one or both have been laid off occasionally in the past years. I estimate their annual income to fall between $40,000 and $60,000, but it is probably on the low end of that scale.
Family A lives in a nice, clean house in a good neighborhood and will be adding to their value by finishing their basement next year. They hope to have the house paid off in 15 years. The vehicles they drive are newer and modest, except for a mid-life crisis convertible.
Family B lives in a 24 year-old house in a swiftly-declining neighborhood. They have lived in the house for 11 years and they will probably be paying on it for another 19 unless they refinance and stretch it out longer. Their vehicles are also newer and modest.
Ok, with the background out of the way, you might be thinking to yourself already that you know who gave what. You might be right…
In terms of quantity, Family A gave the three of us a total of 11 presents. Family B gave close to 20. In terms of total expenditure, Family B spent a good deal more than Family A. But in terms of total utility, Family A gave gifts that not only did we like, but that we’ll use. Family B spent and spent, but didn’t buy for us.
And that really defines the difference of how they live their lives; they give how they live. Family A makes a lot more than Family B, but they put a lot of thought into their purchases and chooses to not waste money on anything without purpose (except for that convertible). Because of that, they have a large retirement account that should last them to the end. Family B’s house is full of little trinkets and baubles that have no meaning and no value except for being purchased because they were cute at the time. Family B has no real savings because they always spend at least as much as they make.
Their choice in Christmas gifts reflects the same spending habits. Family A thought about our wants and needs and found out how to best solve what they could for the best value. Family B likely walked through the store and purchased things because they were “shiny” or thought we would want it.
Christmas still went well and it’s not nearly the disaster the bare descriptions make it seem to be. But in the end, the fact remains that we’ll have to return most of Family B’s gifts (if we can), while the only exchange from Family A is an incorrect sizing. While we appreciate the fact that Family B wants to spend on us and our daughter, they are the least able to spend the way they do. Unfortunately, telling them that is out of the question – they are professionals when it comes to guilt trips. So, we quietly let them spend their futures away every year and hope they will come to their senses before it is too late… and “too late” is rapidly approaching.
If you find yourself matching the description of Family B, you may want to take the new year to examine your priorities. I’ll be the last to say anyone’s priorities are wrong, but Family B certainly doesn’t match up with my personal sensibilities. And if you’re a Family A, welcome to the Caveman Club – we probably think alike. For us cavemen, gifts aren’t about the money, they’re meant to reflect that you thought enough of and about someone to give them something they really needed or wanted.
Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Can I still be in the Caveman Club if I want a convertible? When I was in junior high I decided that I was going to own a Miata by the time I’m fifty. Since I could, technically speaking, get a nice used one now without taking on any debt I’m hoping to do it at least a couple of decades early.
Well, Family A owns the (pre-owned) convertible and are in the Caveman Club so I say you’re still good – especially wanting one used. Truth be told, I want one some day, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull the trigger and actually let myself buy one.